Mother Ayahuasca,
deliver me from my ego,
this selfishness, this I
which is the root of suffering.
Mother Ayahuasca,
allow me to see clearly all that is interconnected
within me and without me.
allow me to see clearly all that is changing,
with pure equanimity.
Mother Ayahuasca,
show me the path towards compassion,
to love all beings,
bhavatu sabba mangalam.
The temple is large and circular, candle lit, with a variety of images and illustrations of spiritual saints and deities. We were around 20 participants in total, largely non-Peruvians, including the shaman and his assistant. The shaman had a French accent and conducted the ceremony in English with comforting confidence and skill. Everyone participating in the ceremony goes up to the shaman, turn by turn, to silently ask Madre Ayahuasca for a request and to receive the sacred drink. The above was my personal request during my surrender to the evening's ceremony. It felt almost like a religious prayer, and in many ways, it was. The shaman emphasized the medicinal nature of Ayuhuasca and instructed every one to be mindful of a spiritual intent, request for answer or healing. He also instructed everyone to observe a noble silence and no contact for the duration of the ceremony in complete darkness (9pm to 3:30am).
My girlfriend & I had decided to seek out an Ayuhuasca experience upon hearing about San Pedro, the mountain & desert cactus while in Chile. While we didn't get an opportunity to experience that particular ancient healing plant, we happened to be ending our trip through South America in Peru. Ayuhuasca is a legal and culturally recognized medicine in Peru, and considering that our 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat took place in Bolivia, on our way towards Peru, it felt like a perfect aligning of location and timing. Upon the completion of the meditation retreat, and upon the conclusion of the 10-day noble silence, many of our fellow meditators were buzzing about either past Ayuhuasca experiences or up-coming ones. In particular, for a few days we hung out with a Swiss-German friend who had participated in a 30-day Ayuhuasca retreat near Iquitos in the northern jungles of Peru, and a Polish couple who lived for 3 months in Peru's Sacred Valley (where we were planning to go). They gave us invaluable insight and preparation tips for our upcoming ceremony. We also researched online, and watched a documentary featuring a handful of academic scholars called Ayahuasca: Nature's Gift. All in all, open to a new experience and a bit of nervousness aside, we felt solidly prepared.
Though what we experienced was beyond any sort of preparation we could have planned. If all the recreational psychedelic trips of my past can be considered as teachers towards insight of self and the world, then Ayuhuasca was like a cosmic mother professor. A large factor was the context in which the ceremony was conducted. Unlike casual, recreational psychedelic experiences with friends, this Ayahuasca ceremony was conducted with guidance and limitations. I've already mentioned noble silence, no physical contact and the absence of light. The shaman and his assistant were very experienced, and during the ceremony, performed a variety of songs (Amazonian medicine songs and songs from a variety of religions including Hindu, Buddhist & I believe Latin Christian) with traditional folkloric instruments, guitars and a harp. We were encouraged to remain seated, and if possible, to remain upright (as lying down intensifies the sensations).
This experiential context is akin to research therapies which had been conducted with psychedelics in the 60s & 70s, as well as the clinical studies of more recent years. These research therapies have been particularly focused on the treatment of alcoholism, drug addiction and cancer-coping research. They are conducted in a conditioned environment, with researchers as guides and usually with a sleep mask and music. A question posed in a recent episode of New Yorker's Out Loud podcast was: "What about psychedelic treatment for the betterment of well people?" Based on the observable results (of speech and actions) and the overall undeniable sense of positivity and warmth which radiated from the participants upon the conclusion of the ceremony, it was clear that the Ayuhuasca group experience had a profound impact on each individual.
Words are merely words, and it is in their nature to reduce an idea or experience into something categorize-able, understandable and communicative from an individual to others. With this in mind, the following sentences may contain dualisms and abstractions which really only scratches intellectually on what had occurred experientially.
From my perspective, the experience of Ayahuasca stimulates and encompasses all observable bodily sensations, as well as intellectual and emotional spheres simultaneously. While each individual experiences a different trip-- their own journey so to speak, there is an inexplicable connection, a basic similar ingredient which unites all of us which shines through upon conclusion. Parallels can be drawn to the cycle of Samsara which every human being experiences. While our paths may differ individually, yet we are all bound within the universal law of nature; that we are born, experience change and ultimately die. During the ceremony, there is a clarity of awareness, that all of one's past, all the people and situations you've encountered, had been perfectly sequential and affective to this present moment.
DMT as a chemical is latent in all humans and a handful of organic plant matter. The activation of Ayahuasca affected my girlfriend in a manner which recalled past lives, many and rapid continuous bursts of deaths and rebirths, and the cyclical immense pleasure trappings of Samsara. All occurring experientially, without a grounding in the self, or her idea of herself as a singular entity. It was pure experience, beyond thought or contemplation.
A grounding in Buddhism and meditative practice was certainly a significant framework to mine, and my girlfriend's experience. Having experienced spark moments of ego-lessness and full present-mindedness during the later stages of my second intensive Vipassana meditation (around 8-9hrs of dedicated meditation per day for 10 days), I felt as if I could see all reality's details in pure vibrancy, without attachment and with the full bliss of compassion and understanding. Everything was simply so, a truth I've come to learn from meditative practice, and under the blanket of Madre Aya, this was clear in total operationality.
A Western philosophical way to describe it could be with the assistance of Martin Heidegger's concept of 'Dasein' where mortality and existence becomes a full experiential realization, beyond theory or philosophy. Perhaps a clearer, Eastern way of describing it comes from the Zen school of Buddhism. 'Shoho Jisso' means 'all things are as they are'. As described by Kosho Uchiyama; "What we call "I" or "ego" arises by chance or accident, so we just let go instead of grasping thoughts and "I". When we let go of all our notions about things, everything becomes really true... When we let go of everything, we do not create artificial attachments and connections. Everything is as it is. Everything exists in one accidental way or another. This is the present reality of life.
With regards to present-ness, or 'Genjo', the 'present becoming present': "Within the present, there is a past, a present, and a future. The past and future are real and alive only in the present. This concept of time in Buddhist thought is very important. It is different from the notion in Western philosophy that time flows from the past into the present, and on into a future in a linear way. According to Buddhist teachings it doesn't quite work that way. the past, present, and future are all contained within the present."
Ayuhuasca either manifested these theoretical notions fully and experientially for me on a personal level, or perhaps this is the fundamental, universal framework of existing, experienced differently from individual participant to individual participant. Perhaps the best symbolism of the all-encompassing spiritual nature of Ayuhuasca can be described in the directly observable environment in which the ceremony was held. When you go up to the shaman for your drink, and you engage in the moment of spiritual intent, you may glimpse the array of items assembled before the shaman. Among these items are an image of Jesus Christ beside the image of Gautama Buddha. Two figures who embody the highest ideal of compassion and selflessness. When it comes to living, and becoming aware of the temporal nature of our existence, it becomes clearer and clearer that living compassionately is the only path towards liberation of suffering.
Further Reading:
Opening the Hand of Thought: Foundations of Zen Buddhist Practice (2004) by Kosho Uchiyama
Being and Time (1927) by Martin Heidegger
The Trip Treatment (2015) by Michael Pollan (http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/02/09/trip-treatment)
New Yorker Out Loud: Psychadelics as Therapy (http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/loud-therapeutic-tripping)